We stopped and went swimming at Love Shack Falls for an hour at 49 CFS. If we'd packed a lunch it would have been a 3 hour stop. The two girls, Harper and Kelsey, have been friends since before they could walk or talk (1997 – Present). Their daddies were friends before them. (1976 – Present). Their paternal granddaddies were friends long ago. The granddaddies had offices next door to each other and had coffee together most mornings for a couple of decades. Then a frost hit their friendship and it never thawed, which is too bad, but none of my business (RIP). Which leads me to wonder if these two girls will be lifelong friends. In 2068 when a cell phone is a small chip embedded in some small piece of personal jewelry (I'm thinking it will be an earring for women and probably men, too, but usually not as ornate, maybe even hidden behind the ear), these two ladies will be 71 and 72. That will be a young age by then, so Harper and Kelsey should be alive and kicking with energy. Will Harper whisper "Call Kelsey?" Or more importantly, will there be a weapon for wiping out horseflies on the river? This weekend I had no trouble enlisting the two stinking brothers shown here to paddle-splash attack on the sisters and mothers. Small problem. Horseflies lurk near water and locate prey by the motion of the prey. Thrashing and splashing was the horsefly dinner bell, and the horsefly is one mean son-of-a-bitch. Actually, only the female horseflies attack. Unlike other insects which suck blood through a small needle, the horsefly actually rips the human flesh and then drinks the oozing blood from the wound. That is why the bite is so painful. I have found three ways to defeat them: (1) You can smash them out of air as they buzz around you with a racquetball racquet (not usually carried on a kayak). (2) Let them land on you and then smash them with your hand. Try teaching this to an 11 year old girl who has been bitten once and has 3 more buzzing around. "Relax--just let them land on you." Better yet is to (3) Dress for the river. Horseflies and the sun are blocked by clothes, and synthetics are superior to cotton because they wick moisture away. Twenty dollars at Wal-Mart and you're set for life in a long-sleeved athletic synthetic shirt and warm-up athletic pants. Add a hat and old tennis shoes (Crocs and sandals are not good river shoes--they come off in falls, get sucked off by mud, and are not good for walking in rocky, shallow water). They horseflies land but they cannot bite through the clothes. The sun cannot burn you. Plus the synthetic clothing is much cooler than not having the skin covered. This is counter-intuitive but true. If you want to stay cool, unburned, and unbitten, check out the nerd in blue here.
